Sorry for the long absence, but we have had a lot going on these past few weeks. I hope to be back with insightful and witty ramblings and musings very soon.
Stay tuned!!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
If Tomorrow Never Comes
This morning at work, I got a text message telling me that my PawPaw Sam had a stroke and was in the hospital. I immediately started crying and freaking out, which might be a pretty normal reaction. But you have to understand that I have a really complicated relationship with this side of the family, and my first thought was, "Oh my gosh, what if he passes away without my having told him that I love him?"
You see, it's been several years since I have seen my grandparents on that side of my family. Or almost anyone on that side of the family for that matter. I let emotional junk and insecurities get in the way, and then so much time had slipped away that I did not even realize how long it had been.
It's my biological father's side of the family, and I don't have a relationship with him at all, and have not for most of my life. But I did grow up knowing my grandparents, aunts, uncle, and cousins. And I loved them because they always seemed to love and accept me no matter what I had going on.
I could try to explain it all to you, but I don't know that it would make sense. I was trying to tell Deputy D about it today after we saw everyone at the hospital because he had questions, but he finally told me just to forget it because I was making his head hurt.
I have always felt awkward and unsure of where I fit into the family because I don't have a relationship with He Who Shall Not Be Named, and because I feel like they won't understand why I have a hard time letting go of the issues I have with him. But the biggest problem is that I had a huge falling out with the person in the family that I was closest to.
It was bad and ugly and painful for everyone. Now that we know what we know about Little Man, some of what happened makes sense but even with that, I don't know that the relationship can ever be healed. We have both changed and grown apart, and it makes me sad because she was one of the most important people in my life.
That falling out affected my relationship with the whole family, and I can totally understand that. After all, she spends way more time with them than I do because she grew up with them. And I can see how it would have affected everything because, like I said, it was very ugly and very painful.
I wish I could just turn things back and make it right. And I can honestly say I regret letting all the time pass without growing the relationship with the whole clan. Because I would be devastated if anything had happened to PawPaw Sam without him knowing that I love him or without having had the opportunity to say goodbye.
But it's not just them... Deputy D and I both have many sides of the family that we don't get to see very often or spend much time with, and it bothers us. We know our grandparents are aging faster than anyone is comfortable with, and most of the time health problems come right along with the aging. We have such a crazy schedule and so many issues we are dealing with, that we don't know how we can do anything differently. But we know we need to try.
Because that feeling I felt this morning, it was one of the most terrible things I have felt in a long time. And I don't want to have to ever feel it again. If and when anything happens to anyone that I love, I don't want to have to wonder whether or not they knew how much I loved them and how important they were to me.
So don't wait to make things right with someone you care about, and take a few minutes to call someone you love that you haven't spoken with in a while. Because you never know what tomorrow holds.
You see, it's been several years since I have seen my grandparents on that side of my family. Or almost anyone on that side of the family for that matter. I let emotional junk and insecurities get in the way, and then so much time had slipped away that I did not even realize how long it had been.
It's my biological father's side of the family, and I don't have a relationship with him at all, and have not for most of my life. But I did grow up knowing my grandparents, aunts, uncle, and cousins. And I loved them because they always seemed to love and accept me no matter what I had going on.
I could try to explain it all to you, but I don't know that it would make sense. I was trying to tell Deputy D about it today after we saw everyone at the hospital because he had questions, but he finally told me just to forget it because I was making his head hurt.
I have always felt awkward and unsure of where I fit into the family because I don't have a relationship with He Who Shall Not Be Named, and because I feel like they won't understand why I have a hard time letting go of the issues I have with him. But the biggest problem is that I had a huge falling out with the person in the family that I was closest to.
It was bad and ugly and painful for everyone. Now that we know what we know about Little Man, some of what happened makes sense but even with that, I don't know that the relationship can ever be healed. We have both changed and grown apart, and it makes me sad because she was one of the most important people in my life.
That falling out affected my relationship with the whole family, and I can totally understand that. After all, she spends way more time with them than I do because she grew up with them. And I can see how it would have affected everything because, like I said, it was very ugly and very painful.
I wish I could just turn things back and make it right. And I can honestly say I regret letting all the time pass without growing the relationship with the whole clan. Because I would be devastated if anything had happened to PawPaw Sam without him knowing that I love him or without having had the opportunity to say goodbye.
But it's not just them... Deputy D and I both have many sides of the family that we don't get to see very often or spend much time with, and it bothers us. We know our grandparents are aging faster than anyone is comfortable with, and most of the time health problems come right along with the aging. We have such a crazy schedule and so many issues we are dealing with, that we don't know how we can do anything differently. But we know we need to try.
Because that feeling I felt this morning, it was one of the most terrible things I have felt in a long time. And I don't want to have to ever feel it again. If and when anything happens to anyone that I love, I don't want to have to wonder whether or not they knew how much I loved them and how important they were to me.
So don't wait to make things right with someone you care about, and take a few minutes to call someone you love that you haven't spoken with in a while. Because you never know what tomorrow holds.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
The Dad He Didn't Have to Be
Happy Father's Day to each and every Dad out there!!
Looking back over the years, I realize that my Dad probably doesn't know what an important role he has played in my life. For starters, he chose to be my dad. Most dads don't get the freedom to choose whether or not they want to be a child's father. They just get whatever kiddo pops out and that God has chosen to give them.
But several years after my mom and dad got married, he made the choice to adopt me. It's kind of funny because the judge told him that he could leave my mom and everything else behind if they ever split up, but he had to take me with him because by making the choice to become my dad, he was stuck with me until one of us croaks. Also, he can write everyone out of his will if he so chooses, but not me!
Oh boy, he surely did not know what he was getting himself into.
I am persnickety and stubborn and opinionated, and I wonder how much of that showed when I was little. My dad, bless him, loves me anyway. Once, when I was very small and before anyone had the sense to make kids ride in the backseat or put them in child safety seats, I was riding next to him in the front seat and opened the door while the car was moving. I don't really know why I did it. I just remember looking at the door handle, wondering what would happen if I pushed down on it, and then deciding to go ahead and try it out.
Thing is... I never felt scared. Lord knows I probably should have. The door could have come swinging back and hit me or I could have fallen out, but Dad had a firm grip on my leg and I never for a second thought that he would let go or let anything happen to me.
Throughout the years, on our numerous trips to the beach, Dad would pull me out to the water on a float and stay with me for hours, watching for sharks or jellyfish and keeping the current from pulling me away. I loved being out there with him, and was never scared that anything bad was going to get me.
According to my dad, I won his heart when I crawled up into his lap for the first time and fell asleep. He won my heart just by always being there for me and taking care of every single little problem I ever had, no matter how silly it might have seemed to him.
Don't tell him, but sometimes when we would get home from long car trips at night when I was little, I would pretend to be asleep so that he would carry me in.
In elementary school, Dad worked on oil rigs and would be gone for extended periods of time. Once, after an enthusiastic round of jumping on the bed (yes, there is a reason parents tell you not to do it), I fell off and hit my head on a a hope chest and cut it pretty badly. I was panicked, mostly because everyone was freaking out that I had busted my head open, and I wanted my dad. But he was gone. And I was inconsolable. There was no calming me down, I wanted my dad and I wanted him right then. Mom even called our pastor over to try and calm me down (he did have EMT training and we were pretty far away from an emergency room, so maybe that was the reason). Everyone thought that would work because he was a Clark Kent doppelganger and I had a huge crush on him (I really was convinced he was superman), but even that did not work. They had to get my dad on the phone to talk to me before I would calm down enough for them to make sure I was not bleeding to death. Because Dad makes everything better.
Oh, and there is his magic shed. I swear this shed has the same spell put on it as Hermione's magic bag. I remember so many times growing up, where he would say "Oh, I've got one of those in my shed" or "I think I've got something to fix this with" and would walk out to the shed and come back with the desired item. Every time!! No matter what I broke or lost or messed up, he always seemed to be able to repair it or come up with the solution to the problem.
I can't tell you how many times he has untangled my necklaces or fixed my car or moved me from one place to another... I could go on and on and on. Even now, when my problems are much bigger and so much harder to solve, I know that all I have to do is call him and he will do whatever he can to help me. He has sacrificed so much and given so much. I will never be able to return the favor or make him understand how grateful I am.
And then there is Deputy D. They say that girls tend to marry someone just like their father. I don't know about that, but I do know that Deputy D has stepped up to the plate and chosen to be the best Dad to Little Man that anyone could be. He loves him so much, and tries to make up for all the bad that Little Man has to deal with. And Little Man looks up to him and admires him, and he tries to be like him when he thinks no one is looking.
Deputy D may not know how to fix everything that we break, and he spends a lot of time on the phone with my dad asking his opinion on things. I hear Dad laughing in the background saying, "That sounds about right. Good luck with that, son." I think Dad learned his tricks and trade secrets on his own, and is confident that Deputy D will as well.
I just want both of them to know today that I love them and I admire them, and I am grateful for everything they have done, and I am sure that they will continue to do (because I really do break a lot of stuff and have a lot of problems).
Looking back over the years, I realize that my Dad probably doesn't know what an important role he has played in my life. For starters, he chose to be my dad. Most dads don't get the freedom to choose whether or not they want to be a child's father. They just get whatever kiddo pops out and that God has chosen to give them.
But several years after my mom and dad got married, he made the choice to adopt me. It's kind of funny because the judge told him that he could leave my mom and everything else behind if they ever split up, but he had to take me with him because by making the choice to become my dad, he was stuck with me until one of us croaks. Also, he can write everyone out of his will if he so chooses, but not me!
Oh boy, he surely did not know what he was getting himself into.
I am persnickety and stubborn and opinionated, and I wonder how much of that showed when I was little. My dad, bless him, loves me anyway. Once, when I was very small and before anyone had the sense to make kids ride in the backseat or put them in child safety seats, I was riding next to him in the front seat and opened the door while the car was moving. I don't really know why I did it. I just remember looking at the door handle, wondering what would happen if I pushed down on it, and then deciding to go ahead and try it out.
Thing is... I never felt scared. Lord knows I probably should have. The door could have come swinging back and hit me or I could have fallen out, but Dad had a firm grip on my leg and I never for a second thought that he would let go or let anything happen to me.
Throughout the years, on our numerous trips to the beach, Dad would pull me out to the water on a float and stay with me for hours, watching for sharks or jellyfish and keeping the current from pulling me away. I loved being out there with him, and was never scared that anything bad was going to get me.
According to my dad, I won his heart when I crawled up into his lap for the first time and fell asleep. He won my heart just by always being there for me and taking care of every single little problem I ever had, no matter how silly it might have seemed to him.
Don't tell him, but sometimes when we would get home from long car trips at night when I was little, I would pretend to be asleep so that he would carry me in.
In elementary school, Dad worked on oil rigs and would be gone for extended periods of time. Once, after an enthusiastic round of jumping on the bed (yes, there is a reason parents tell you not to do it), I fell off and hit my head on a a hope chest and cut it pretty badly. I was panicked, mostly because everyone was freaking out that I had busted my head open, and I wanted my dad. But he was gone. And I was inconsolable. There was no calming me down, I wanted my dad and I wanted him right then. Mom even called our pastor over to try and calm me down (he did have EMT training and we were pretty far away from an emergency room, so maybe that was the reason). Everyone thought that would work because he was a Clark Kent doppelganger and I had a huge crush on him (I really was convinced he was superman), but even that did not work. They had to get my dad on the phone to talk to me before I would calm down enough for them to make sure I was not bleeding to death. Because Dad makes everything better.
Oh, and there is his magic shed. I swear this shed has the same spell put on it as Hermione's magic bag. I remember so many times growing up, where he would say "Oh, I've got one of those in my shed" or "I think I've got something to fix this with" and would walk out to the shed and come back with the desired item. Every time!! No matter what I broke or lost or messed up, he always seemed to be able to repair it or come up with the solution to the problem.
I can't tell you how many times he has untangled my necklaces or fixed my car or moved me from one place to another... I could go on and on and on. Even now, when my problems are much bigger and so much harder to solve, I know that all I have to do is call him and he will do whatever he can to help me. He has sacrificed so much and given so much. I will never be able to return the favor or make him understand how grateful I am.
And then there is Deputy D. They say that girls tend to marry someone just like their father. I don't know about that, but I do know that Deputy D has stepped up to the plate and chosen to be the best Dad to Little Man that anyone could be. He loves him so much, and tries to make up for all the bad that Little Man has to deal with. And Little Man looks up to him and admires him, and he tries to be like him when he thinks no one is looking.
Deputy D may not know how to fix everything that we break, and he spends a lot of time on the phone with my dad asking his opinion on things. I hear Dad laughing in the background saying, "That sounds about right. Good luck with that, son." I think Dad learned his tricks and trade secrets on his own, and is confident that Deputy D will as well.
I just want both of them to know today that I love them and I admire them, and I am grateful for everything they have done, and I am sure that they will continue to do (because I really do break a lot of stuff and have a lot of problems).
Friday, June 15, 2012
Father's Day Boston Cream Poke Cake
I made a Boston Cream Poke Cake that I found on Pinterest (from The County Cook) for Deputy D for Father's Day. We celebrated Father's Day early because Little Man will be gone this weekend, and Deputy D requested Boston Cream Pie. I have been wanting to try this recipe because I loved the Oreo Poke Cake so much, and I thought this was a good opportunity.
I made a boxed yellow cake. I think any yellow cake will do, but I used the butter yellow variety.
Bake the cake according to the package directions (in a 9 x 13 pan), and when it is done use the end of a plastic or wooden spoon to poke holes about 1" apart.
Mix up two packages of instant vanilla pudding with 4 cups of milk until the lumps are gone. Let is sit for a couple of minutes until it thickens up a bit. When pour it onto the cake and press down into the holes with a spoon. Refrigerate the cake until the pudding is set.
Heat a tub of chocolate frosting in the microwave for about 15-20 seconds until it is thin enough to pour onto the cake. Don't let it get too hot. Spread the frosting out and put back in the fridge until it is set.
The recipe did not call for a layer of cool whip, but I love cool whip and decided to add it on because I figured it would be pretty tasty. Deputy D and Little Man both said the cake was really good, and it was really easy to make.
Keep the cake and any leftovers refrigerated!!
I made a boxed yellow cake. I think any yellow cake will do, but I used the butter yellow variety.
Bake the cake according to the package directions (in a 9 x 13 pan), and when it is done use the end of a plastic or wooden spoon to poke holes about 1" apart.
Mix up two packages of instant vanilla pudding with 4 cups of milk until the lumps are gone. Let is sit for a couple of minutes until it thickens up a bit. When pour it onto the cake and press down into the holes with a spoon. Refrigerate the cake until the pudding is set.
Heat a tub of chocolate frosting in the microwave for about 15-20 seconds until it is thin enough to pour onto the cake. Don't let it get too hot. Spread the frosting out and put back in the fridge until it is set.
The recipe did not call for a layer of cool whip, but I love cool whip and decided to add it on because I figured it would be pretty tasty. Deputy D and Little Man both said the cake was really good, and it was really easy to make.
Keep the cake and any leftovers refrigerated!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Make Something Monday - Melted Crayons
When I was really little, I accidentally left a box of crayons on the dashboard of my mom's van. Being that it was the middle of summer in Texas, you can probably imagine what happened next. To this day, I think the resulting multicolored blob of melted crayons was really cool, but my mom was not as thrilled.
Imagine my surprise when I was perusing Pinterest one day and discovered that people were melting crayons in ovens and hot cars on purpose! I immediately knew that it would be one of the summer projects I did with Little Man.
Side note... This website (www.cometogetherkids.com) has lots of really cool crafts and activities for kids. You should check it out!
When I found a silicone star-shaped ice tray at Target for $1.00, I knew the time was right to try the project. Being that it is once again the middle of summer in Texas, I decided to forego the oven or car dashboard, and just set the tray out on the table on the patio. Not surprisingly, the crayons melted just fine.
Little Man and I removed the paper from all of his broken and unwanted crayons. This took some time and was tedious. I am glad that we ended up with plenty of extras for future projects.
I gave Little Man the choice of mixing the colors, or just making solid-colored stars. He wanted to mix the colors, so that's what we did. We broke the crayons up into small pieces, and placed them in the mold.
I sat the mold on the back porch, in a couple of hours the crayons were completely melted.
I brought the tray in and popped it in the fridge for about 30 minutes. Except for a couple of the points, the stars popped out of the tray with ease and without breaking.
The tray cannot be used again for food purposes, but I am ok with that. It was only a dollar after all!
Little Man was amazed when he started coloring and could lay down more than one color with just one stroke of his amazing multicolored crayons.
Imagine my surprise when I was perusing Pinterest one day and discovered that people were melting crayons in ovens and hot cars on purpose! I immediately knew that it would be one of the summer projects I did with Little Man.
Side note... This website (www.cometogetherkids.com) has lots of really cool crafts and activities for kids. You should check it out!
Little Man and I removed the paper from all of his broken and unwanted crayons. This took some time and was tedious. I am glad that we ended up with plenty of extras for future projects.
I gave Little Man the choice of mixing the colors, or just making solid-colored stars. He wanted to mix the colors, so that's what we did. We broke the crayons up into small pieces, and placed them in the mold.
I sat the mold on the back porch, in a couple of hours the crayons were completely melted.
I brought the tray in and popped it in the fridge for about 30 minutes. Except for a couple of the points, the stars popped out of the tray with ease and without breaking.
The tray cannot be used again for food purposes, but I am ok with that. It was only a dollar after all!
Little Man was amazed when he started coloring and could lay down more than one color with just one stroke of his amazing multicolored crayons.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Easy Semi-Homemade Lasagna
I have been scared of lasagna for a long time. Simmering meat sauce for hours and having to boil the lasagna noodles before cooking took more time than I had. As far as ingredients go, I don't personally like the texture of ricotta cheese or cottage cheese so I never really liked recipes that were made with either.
Since I don't really cook lasagna, I haven't shopped for lasagna noodles in a very long time. But when I made chicken Alfredo roll-ups a few weeks ago, I made an amazing discovery. They now sell oven-ready noodles that you don't have to boil beforehand. Who knew?!? Well, probably everyone but me.
Anyhow, I decided I wanted lasagna last night at the last minute. And I was able to put one together in about 20 minutes that was extremely delicious and really easy to make!
I cooked 2 lbs of hamburger meat and then mixed it with two jars of my favorite spaghetti sauce. I put about a cup of sause in the bottom of a 9 x 12 casserole dish and then proceed to alternate layers of the oven-ready lasagna noodles, meat and sauce mixture, and a combination of Colby, Monterey Jack, and Mozzarella cheese. I ended up with three layers each of the noodles, sauce, and cheese. Of course, the cheese was the final layer.
I cooked the lasagna in the oven for about 45 minutes at 350 degrees.
I got a thumbs up from both Little Man and Deputy D, but how can you really go wrong with pasta and meat layered with loads of melted cheese? Even as we are eating the leftovers for lunch today, Deputy D is commenting on how yummy it is.
Lessons learned?
The chefs on the Food Network are right. Once you learn a cooking method, you can tweak recipes however you want to get them to suit your tastes and lifestyle.
Don't like ricotta? Don't use it. Lasagna police are not going to show up at your house to arrest you for not using it.
There are many advancements in the culinary world, and you should probably peruse your grocery store of choice every once in a while to see what new things they have that would appeal to you.
And finally, don't be afraid to experiment and try new things. You never know what you will be able to accomplish. There might be some failures, but so what? As long as I am cooking, Deputy D really doesn't care if it always turns out perfect. He likes that I experiment with things because he hates to eat the same thing over and over.
Since I don't really cook lasagna, I haven't shopped for lasagna noodles in a very long time. But when I made chicken Alfredo roll-ups a few weeks ago, I made an amazing discovery. They now sell oven-ready noodles that you don't have to boil beforehand. Who knew?!? Well, probably everyone but me.
Anyhow, I decided I wanted lasagna last night at the last minute. And I was able to put one together in about 20 minutes that was extremely delicious and really easy to make!
I cooked 2 lbs of hamburger meat and then mixed it with two jars of my favorite spaghetti sauce. I put about a cup of sause in the bottom of a 9 x 12 casserole dish and then proceed to alternate layers of the oven-ready lasagna noodles, meat and sauce mixture, and a combination of Colby, Monterey Jack, and Mozzarella cheese. I ended up with three layers each of the noodles, sauce, and cheese. Of course, the cheese was the final layer.
I cooked the lasagna in the oven for about 45 minutes at 350 degrees.
I got a thumbs up from both Little Man and Deputy D, but how can you really go wrong with pasta and meat layered with loads of melted cheese? Even as we are eating the leftovers for lunch today, Deputy D is commenting on how yummy it is.
Lessons learned?
The chefs on the Food Network are right. Once you learn a cooking method, you can tweak recipes however you want to get them to suit your tastes and lifestyle.
Don't like ricotta? Don't use it. Lasagna police are not going to show up at your house to arrest you for not using it.
There are many advancements in the culinary world, and you should probably peruse your grocery store of choice every once in a while to see what new things they have that would appeal to you.
And finally, don't be afraid to experiment and try new things. You never know what you will be able to accomplish. There might be some failures, but so what? As long as I am cooking, Deputy D really doesn't care if it always turns out perfect. He likes that I experiment with things because he hates to eat the same thing over and over.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
I Am Waffling Over This Waffle Recipe
This morning, Little Man and I are on our own because Deputy D worked last night and is sound asleep. So I decided to try a waffle recipe that I saw on Pinterest because although Little Man and I love waffles, Deputy D is nor crazy about them. (I would like it noted here that this is one of many recipes I have tried from Pinterest, so my time spent on the site is not a complete waste, as Deputy D seems to think it is!)
I started, as usual, by gathering and measuring out all of my ingredients.
Mix the flour, salt, and baking powder in a bowl.
Beat the egg yolks and mix with the milk and oil. Pour mixture into flour.
Beat egg whites until stiff peaks form and then fold into batter.
Pour recommended amount into waffle maker. Mine is a Belgian waffle maker and 1 Cup of batter was perfect.
Don't worry if your first waffle is a little smaller or doesn't look perfect. Every time I make waffles, the first one is just a test waffle to test the amount of batter and the temperature of the waffle maker.
Little Man cleaned his plate, but I am on the fence about the recipe.
What I Like:
- They are light and fluffy with a crispy outside.
- The recipe is quick (it only took me about 15 minutes to get everything mixed together) and easy.
- It made two full-sized waffles and two smaller ones, which is just enough for us with no leftovers.
What I Didn't Like:
- The waffle seemed bland to me. I have definitely tried recipes that have a bit more flavor.
- The very middle of the larger waffles were a bit underdone, but I can adjust the temperature on my waffle maker next time.
I have been known to put my own spin on waffle recipes just by throwing extra stuff in the batter to see how it comes out. My favorite tweak is to add apples, raisins, cinnamon, and walnuts. They are so good! I think next time, I will try this recipe use my tweak to see if I like it any better. The site I found the recipe on pictured it with fruit topping, and I definitely think these waffles could use the extra flavor or a strong-flavored syrup.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Wordless Wednesday - Me and My Shadow
I am not brave enough to post actual pictures of me on the beach, so here's a picture of my shadow instead!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Truthful Tuesday - Can You Look Me In The Eyes?
I have alluded several times to the issues that Little Man has been having. I haven't gone into great detail, mostly because, until recently, we did not really have an idea of what has been going on with him. And no parent wants to admit that there is anything wrong with their child.
We first noticed some oddities back in daycare. For the most part, Little Man was a normal, strong-willed, amazing child. Every once in a while, however, the daycare owner would pull me aside and tell me about his day and what she noticed that concerned her. However, the conversation always ended with "But he is too young to be concerned about anything, I just wanted to make you aware of what we are seeing."
Little Man never wanted to play in groups, he was always by himself or with the one and only boy he had bonded with. Keep in mind that it was not a bonding of personalities. The only thing they really had in common was that they were both pretty much obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. And I do mean obsessed. Where as the other little kiddos commented on the color and might know the name of the engine, Little Man knew the engine's history, strengths, weaknesses, physical details, and similarities and differences from all the other engines. We couldn't just have one or two of the toys for him to play with, we had to hunt down every single one that was currently being manufactured.
In class, Little Man seldom participated in group activities or lessons. At first, the teachers were convinced that he was not absorbing any of the information being taught as he was always over in a corner doing his own thing and seemingly not paying attention to his surroundings. However, later that day he would repeat, verbatim, everything that had been taught in the lesson earlier.
We had other issues... Intense tantrums, emotional breakdowns over really minor issues, severe emotional outbursts, really picky eating (He doesn't really like mashed potatoes or macaroni and cheese. What kid do you know that doesn't like those childhood staples??), strange quirks with his clothes fitting a certain way, sometimes not knowing how to react in social situations, not realizing how other children expect him to react, not realizing when family or friends were upset, slowly developing motor skills (he is 8 and just now learned to ride a bike, long after everyone else his age in the neighborhood), excess amounts of energy and the inability to sit still, not looking directly at us when we are trying to have a conversation with him, getting along better with adults than other children, extremely complex thought patterns, a superior vocabulary, being extremely rigid and not willing to give or be flexible, a frequent inability to concentrate on the task before him... Just to name a few.
We decided to wait until he started kindergarten to see how it went before we approached his pediatrician. After all, many of these traits are common with children and how much of it was indicative of a problem and was not just growing pains or my lack of parenting experience? Kindergarten started, and we had notes (well, books really) sent home almost every day for the first few weeks. We requested to have him moved to another class just in case there was a conflict with the teacher. Best decision ever. His teacher was the most wonderful person we have met within the school to date. She was patient and understanding, and most of all, kept in constant communication with me.
We finally broke down and talked to his pediatrician and he was tested for ADHD. His test scores indicated that was what was wrong with him and he was put on medicine. This did help. It calmed him down and he was not in so much trouble and was actually able to complete projects at school. There are side effects to the medication which I hate, but it seemed to help him have an overall improved quality of life.
Then came the fatal parent-teacher conference that I will never forget. We met with his teacher who proceeded to tell us that academically, Little Man was light years ahead of where he needed to be. However, she had some serious concerns. He got stuck on little things and could not get past them. For example, he had to have his own container of crayons because if he could not find the particular pink crayon that he was looking for, he would go through every bucket and freak out if someone else was using it or if he could not find it. He ended up having to be moved to a table by himself because he just could not handle the social interaction or distractions caused by having other people around him.
Then came the words I will never forget. "I am not a doctor, and I certainly do not have any authority to diagnose anything, but I think there is a possibility that he is showing signs of being on the autism spectrum."
Time stopped for a moment. That is not even possible. Not my son. For the most part, he can function normally. He can speak and communicate and dress himself. He reads and writes (well, sort of) and no, he doesn't really like to color or play with other kids, but he's still really young. You would never look at him and automatically think there was something wrong with him. Almost everyone that he meets says he is one of the smartest kids that they have ever encountered.
But....
There is always a "but" isn't there? I started thinking about everything that we had experienced in daycare. I started thinking about how I hated taking him new places because I was never sure how he was going to react or what he was going to say. I started thinking about how I dreaded having to take him places like big church or the movies, where he always seemed completely unaware that he was supposed to whisper or sit still, no matter how many times I told him. I started thinking about how I was scared to leave him with people, because I didn't know how he was going to react or if this would be one of the nights that he decided to start sobbing and have a meltdown because one of his toys wouldn't do what he thought it should.
And yet, we still did nothing. We talked to his pediatrician at his next checkup, but she dismissed the concerns quickly because she feels like there are an overabundance of autism diagnoses being handed out today. She did acknowledge that there was something else going on with him besides the ADHD, and recommended that we get him in to see a child psychologist.
It took us until second grade to request that he be tested for autism by the school district. He was still struggling socially in school. He has almost no friends because he only wants to play whatever he is into at the moment (this year he has been obsessed with Star Wars and Bakugan), and never plays whatever the group is playing (i.e. kickball). He gets picked on constantly, because he has such an intense reaction to it. He is a bully's dream-come-true as far as that goes. He argues with the teachers, because he thinks he knows more than they do.
But the last straw for me was that he was failing schoolwork. My bright little man, who has almost worked his way though the Harry Potter series in second grade and can explain to me how a tornado forms in the atmosphere was failing work. There are multiple reasons for this. He has a severe handwriting issue that needs to be worked on. He cannot handle timed projects or projects that have multiple little steps because everything has to be just right and just a certain way. He gets stuck on directions if they are not worded just the way he thinks they need to be. He can tell time and knows time of day, but seems to have no concept of how much time has actually passed or when it is time to move on to something else.
The test results just came back last week, and he tested as having a high probability of being on the Autism Spectrum and having Asperger's Syndrome. I have not completely wrapped my head around all of this yet, even though I was expecting those results. Part of me feels like I should be relieved now that I know what is going on with him and that it could be much, much worse, but part of me still thinks that there could not possibly be anything wrong with him and he is just having a hard time with life. It is a really, really difficult thing to sit in a room and listen to people talk about your child having a disability and discuss how to keep him in mainstream class as much as possible with his non-disabled peers.
We have a plan in place for the next school year that I really think is going to help him succeed and have a much easier year than the last two. Everyone was kind and patient and seemed to really want him to be as successful as everyone knows that he can be. They are going to help Deputy D and I learn how to deal with Little Man in a way that his unique brain can process and understand, and help us learn how to teach him to deal with the outside world. He is still going to be seeing the psychologist just to make sure that there is nothing else going on and that the psychologist agrees with the test results.
Most of all, I have a great support network. I have caring friends and family that love Little Man and me unconditionally and no matter what. And the school will be providing resources for me to learn more about Little Man's condition and how to be the best parent to him that I can be.
I am trying really hard to move forward and start working on the things that I can implement now to help him cope better. Part of me wants to argue and cry and stomp my feet and say "You are wrong, there is nothing wrong with my kid. Everyone else is the problem, but he is fine!" Part of me just wants to ignore the problem and eventually it has to go away. Right?
But the grown-up part of me knows that this is nothing compared to what some other parents are having to deal with and we will get past it and do our best to love and support Little Man the best we can. I just ask that you be patient with me until I do have my emotions completely under control and have a good handle on the situation. I know that God will help me get through this, just like he has everything else in my life. And once I have everything under control again, hopefully I will be able to get back to all my crafts for Make Something Mondays and all of my recipe testing to share with everyone. For now, there might be a bit more rambling than anything else on the blog.
Little Man never wanted to play in groups, he was always by himself or with the one and only boy he had bonded with. Keep in mind that it was not a bonding of personalities. The only thing they really had in common was that they were both pretty much obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. And I do mean obsessed. Where as the other little kiddos commented on the color and might know the name of the engine, Little Man knew the engine's history, strengths, weaknesses, physical details, and similarities and differences from all the other engines. We couldn't just have one or two of the toys for him to play with, we had to hunt down every single one that was currently being manufactured.
In class, Little Man seldom participated in group activities or lessons. At first, the teachers were convinced that he was not absorbing any of the information being taught as he was always over in a corner doing his own thing and seemingly not paying attention to his surroundings. However, later that day he would repeat, verbatim, everything that had been taught in the lesson earlier.
We had other issues... Intense tantrums, emotional breakdowns over really minor issues, severe emotional outbursts, really picky eating (He doesn't really like mashed potatoes or macaroni and cheese. What kid do you know that doesn't like those childhood staples??), strange quirks with his clothes fitting a certain way, sometimes not knowing how to react in social situations, not realizing how other children expect him to react, not realizing when family or friends were upset, slowly developing motor skills (he is 8 and just now learned to ride a bike, long after everyone else his age in the neighborhood), excess amounts of energy and the inability to sit still, not looking directly at us when we are trying to have a conversation with him, getting along better with adults than other children, extremely complex thought patterns, a superior vocabulary, being extremely rigid and not willing to give or be flexible, a frequent inability to concentrate on the task before him... Just to name a few.
We decided to wait until he started kindergarten to see how it went before we approached his pediatrician. After all, many of these traits are common with children and how much of it was indicative of a problem and was not just growing pains or my lack of parenting experience? Kindergarten started, and we had notes (well, books really) sent home almost every day for the first few weeks. We requested to have him moved to another class just in case there was a conflict with the teacher. Best decision ever. His teacher was the most wonderful person we have met within the school to date. She was patient and understanding, and most of all, kept in constant communication with me.
We finally broke down and talked to his pediatrician and he was tested for ADHD. His test scores indicated that was what was wrong with him and he was put on medicine. This did help. It calmed him down and he was not in so much trouble and was actually able to complete projects at school. There are side effects to the medication which I hate, but it seemed to help him have an overall improved quality of life.
Then came the fatal parent-teacher conference that I will never forget. We met with his teacher who proceeded to tell us that academically, Little Man was light years ahead of where he needed to be. However, she had some serious concerns. He got stuck on little things and could not get past them. For example, he had to have his own container of crayons because if he could not find the particular pink crayon that he was looking for, he would go through every bucket and freak out if someone else was using it or if he could not find it. He ended up having to be moved to a table by himself because he just could not handle the social interaction or distractions caused by having other people around him.
Then came the words I will never forget. "I am not a doctor, and I certainly do not have any authority to diagnose anything, but I think there is a possibility that he is showing signs of being on the autism spectrum."
Time stopped for a moment. That is not even possible. Not my son. For the most part, he can function normally. He can speak and communicate and dress himself. He reads and writes (well, sort of) and no, he doesn't really like to color or play with other kids, but he's still really young. You would never look at him and automatically think there was something wrong with him. Almost everyone that he meets says he is one of the smartest kids that they have ever encountered.
But....
There is always a "but" isn't there? I started thinking about everything that we had experienced in daycare. I started thinking about how I hated taking him new places because I was never sure how he was going to react or what he was going to say. I started thinking about how I dreaded having to take him places like big church or the movies, where he always seemed completely unaware that he was supposed to whisper or sit still, no matter how many times I told him. I started thinking about how I was scared to leave him with people, because I didn't know how he was going to react or if this would be one of the nights that he decided to start sobbing and have a meltdown because one of his toys wouldn't do what he thought it should.
And yet, we still did nothing. We talked to his pediatrician at his next checkup, but she dismissed the concerns quickly because she feels like there are an overabundance of autism diagnoses being handed out today. She did acknowledge that there was something else going on with him besides the ADHD, and recommended that we get him in to see a child psychologist.
It took us until second grade to request that he be tested for autism by the school district. He was still struggling socially in school. He has almost no friends because he only wants to play whatever he is into at the moment (this year he has been obsessed with Star Wars and Bakugan), and never plays whatever the group is playing (i.e. kickball). He gets picked on constantly, because he has such an intense reaction to it. He is a bully's dream-come-true as far as that goes. He argues with the teachers, because he thinks he knows more than they do.
But the last straw for me was that he was failing schoolwork. My bright little man, who has almost worked his way though the Harry Potter series in second grade and can explain to me how a tornado forms in the atmosphere was failing work. There are multiple reasons for this. He has a severe handwriting issue that needs to be worked on. He cannot handle timed projects or projects that have multiple little steps because everything has to be just right and just a certain way. He gets stuck on directions if they are not worded just the way he thinks they need to be. He can tell time and knows time of day, but seems to have no concept of how much time has actually passed or when it is time to move on to something else.
The test results just came back last week, and he tested as having a high probability of being on the Autism Spectrum and having Asperger's Syndrome. I have not completely wrapped my head around all of this yet, even though I was expecting those results. Part of me feels like I should be relieved now that I know what is going on with him and that it could be much, much worse, but part of me still thinks that there could not possibly be anything wrong with him and he is just having a hard time with life. It is a really, really difficult thing to sit in a room and listen to people talk about your child having a disability and discuss how to keep him in mainstream class as much as possible with his non-disabled peers.
We have a plan in place for the next school year that I really think is going to help him succeed and have a much easier year than the last two. Everyone was kind and patient and seemed to really want him to be as successful as everyone knows that he can be. They are going to help Deputy D and I learn how to deal with Little Man in a way that his unique brain can process and understand, and help us learn how to teach him to deal with the outside world. He is still going to be seeing the psychologist just to make sure that there is nothing else going on and that the psychologist agrees with the test results.
Most of all, I have a great support network. I have caring friends and family that love Little Man and me unconditionally and no matter what. And the school will be providing resources for me to learn more about Little Man's condition and how to be the best parent to him that I can be.
I am trying really hard to move forward and start working on the things that I can implement now to help him cope better. Part of me wants to argue and cry and stomp my feet and say "You are wrong, there is nothing wrong with my kid. Everyone else is the problem, but he is fine!" Part of me just wants to ignore the problem and eventually it has to go away. Right?
But the grown-up part of me knows that this is nothing compared to what some other parents are having to deal with and we will get past it and do our best to love and support Little Man the best we can. I just ask that you be patient with me until I do have my emotions completely under control and have a good handle on the situation. I know that God will help me get through this, just like he has everything else in my life. And once I have everything under control again, hopefully I will be able to get back to all my crafts for Make Something Mondays and all of my recipe testing to share with everyone. For now, there might be a bit more rambling than anything else on the blog.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Make Something Monday - Hand Prints in the Sand
While at the beach last weekend, I wanted to try a craft that I found on Pinterest, making a molded handprint in the sand.
I found some plaster of Paris at the craft store, and divided it up into two quart baggies. I wrote the amount of water needed on the baggies and packed a plastic cup marked with a line to show me where one cup of water would be.
Once at the beach, I just pulled out the pre-measured bags and filled the cup with water and went to find a pile of sand that would work.
This was the tricky part. Most of the sand near the beach was too compacted and wet, and the sand farther away was too soft. I scraped up a pile of sand near us, and got Little Man to make hand prints.
They turned out alright, but next time I will add a little water to the sand to make the shape hold a little better before he sticks his hands in.
The second problem I ran into was that I was not 100% sure what the consistency of the plaster should be once I mixed the water in. The first batch was too loose and ran out of the indentations.
I used a little less water on the second batch and it was too thick did not pour well. I think once I play around with it and learn what the correct consistency is, this would work much better.
Also, it helps to have really clean sand that does not have shell bits or seaweed because everything in the sand stays in the plaster once it is dry. Next time, I will pack a sifter.
Overall, it's a pretty easy craft and I was pleased with the outcome for my first try. I think his grandmother will really like the hand print when Little Man gives it to her.
I found some plaster of Paris at the craft store, and divided it up into two quart baggies. I wrote the amount of water needed on the baggies and packed a plastic cup marked with a line to show me where one cup of water would be.
Once at the beach, I just pulled out the pre-measured bags and filled the cup with water and went to find a pile of sand that would work.
This was the tricky part. Most of the sand near the beach was too compacted and wet, and the sand farther away was too soft. I scraped up a pile of sand near us, and got Little Man to make hand prints.
They turned out alright, but next time I will add a little water to the sand to make the shape hold a little better before he sticks his hands in.
The second problem I ran into was that I was not 100% sure what the consistency of the plaster should be once I mixed the water in. The first batch was too loose and ran out of the indentations.
I used a little less water on the second batch and it was too thick did not pour well. I think once I play around with it and learn what the correct consistency is, this would work much better.
Also, it helps to have really clean sand that does not have shell bits or seaweed because everything in the sand stays in the plaster once it is dry. Next time, I will pack a sifter.
Overall, it's a pretty easy craft and I was pleased with the outcome for my first try. I think his grandmother will really like the hand print when Little Man gives it to her.
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